Today, Attorney General Pamela Bondi released the following statement:
“Luigi Mangione’s murder of Brian Thompson — an innocent man and father of two young children — was a premeditated, cold-blooded assassination that shocked America. After careful consideration, I have directed federal prosecutors to seek the death penalty in this case as we carry out President Trump’s agenda to stop violent crime and Make America Safe Again.”
- Mass shooters: Lone wolves.
- Luigi: “HAAAANG HIM!!!”
Republicans: Fuck ‘em kids.
By pubicly and officially assigning guilt before the trial, the chief law enforcement officer of the federal government has just:
- Tainted every juror that could serve on this case
- Proven her incompetence to the legal community
- Bought a place in the Trump family mausoleum
According to the Shitcurity Handbook of BeeStation:
- Rule 1: Everybody is guilty even when proven innocent.
- Rule 4: When in doubt, whoever you may be dealing with is a traitor. Execute him.
- Rule 5: If your weapon has a kill setting, use it. Only in death is a criminal truly stopped.
- Rule 8: Only through death is justice served.
- Rule 51: Anyone accused of being a traitor by a crew member must be executed on the spot. Do not give them a chance to weasel their way out of justice by talking things out. It’s the only way that you can be sure the traitorous criminal scum are all stopped.
- Rule 54: Theft, pornography reading, trespassing, and not liking you are all signs of revolutionary activity. Beat their skulls in until they remember their true allegiance.
- Rule 55: Any massacres, ethnic cleansings, purgings, underground permabrig prisoner fights, or general mass-murder orchestrated by superiors is to be immediately sanctioned and, if necessary, unquestioningly enforced.
- Rule 66: If you murder someone on the gulag, it doesn’t really count as murder.
Sorry - what is this shit, and why are you smearing it around?
It is an excerpt from a satirical booklet, created from the tendencies of people who power trip as a security officer in the game Space Station 13.
I am spreading it around because I have seen a remarkable similarity between those security officers and the people who run the US government. The only real difference is that the security officers are eager to do cruel things with their own two hands.
Now I know - thanks. Legit thought it was some subtle fascist agitation. It’s difficult to intuit fiction these days.
Art || Life.
Who can I direct to seek the death penalty for Pam Bondi?
Saint Luigi had an answer for that question. He taught that the answer could be found within!
Hmm, but I very much want to get away with whatever thing we are discussing that I would never ever actually contemplate
committingdoing in real life.
Careful Consideration = “MAN HE STRUCK AT A BILLIONARE COOK HIS ASS!” All of about 5 seconds worth of effort.
Family man eh? How many men sent to El Salvador without due process were family men? MAGA, only act like they give a crap about women or children when it benefits their narrative.
Our laws should not be selectively used or changed for the benefit of political posturing. She is perverting justice.
Wow I wonder what will be the penalty to Elon for the deaths of innocent people caused by the loss of their jobs.
On the one hand, murder for the purpose of terrorism is more serious than ordinary murder, but on the other hand I think they might be overreaching given that people on the jury are more likely to be sympathetic to the defendant than they would be to an ordinary murderer. I suspect the feds are more interested in making a strong impression now than they are in the ultimate outcome of a case that will go on for years.
That’s true in state prosecutions, but the jury pool for federal cases is much more slanted towards the prosecution, and the judge has a lot more power (and is likely a Trump appointee).
Maybe there should be more billionaires getting the death penalty instead
“
Innocent until provenguilty.”A 75% reduction in words. Look at all that efficiency! Clearly, DOGE should be taking notes from Pam Bondi.
