Subconscious self-loathing as a result of trying to memory hole something evil I did when very young.
Also a desperate reliance on others’ praise and approval due to emotional abuse from my mother.
A warped model of accomplishment resulting from all the praise I got for easily mastering concepts, coupled with vicious gaslighting and moral attacks I suffered whenever I strove for something difficult.
And many other things which I’m just starting to uncover.
I kind of feel like a programmer sleuthing out bugs in a product, but while I spend time sleuthing out the cause of my product not working, the trade show is half over.
Subconscious self-loathing as a result of trying to memory hole something evil I did when very young.
Also a desperate reliance on others’ praise and approval due to emotional abuse from my mother.
A warped model of accomplishment resulting from all the praise I got for easily mastering concepts, coupled with vicious gaslighting and moral attacks I suffered whenever I strove for something difficult.
And many other things which I’m just starting to uncover.
I kind of feel like a programmer sleuthing out bugs in a product, but while I spend time sleuthing out the cause of my product not working, the trade show is half over.