Warning! Canada could take over the United States. This isn’t hyperbole—it’s political mathematics.
Our northern neighbor encompasses ten provinces and three territories, including the legendary Yukon. While Canadians may appear reserved, underestimating them at the negotiating table would be a serious miscalculation. They certainly won’t accept becoming a single state. Instead, they’ll insist on statehood for each province and territory. Under our Constitution, each state receives two senators—meaning Canada would instantly gain 26 senators, enough to form the decisive swing bloc in our upper chamber.
That’s troubling enough, but the scenario worsens when considering Canada’s vast geography. Their shrewd negotiators would undoubtedly invoke American precedent to subdivide their political entities. After all, in 1889, our Dakota Territory was split into North and South Dakota. Maine was carved from Massachusetts in 1820, and West Virginia separated from Virginia during the Civil War. Following this established pattern, Canada could reasonably demand twice as many states—and twice as many senators.
Fukan hell, have to repeat this:
Canada is twice colonized, by brits and yanks. We feel it. We joke and gripe about it. We mostly put up with it and it’s hard to explain to outsiders or newcomers, but especially to americans, who do not see themselves as colonizers and scoff at the notion.
But do not underestimate how a hundred years or more of threats (yes the latest bullshit is nothing new really) and dismissive subtle put downs and cultural erasure just gets under your skin.
It winds up being a cliché that we define ourselves in opposition to the USA.
To be Canadian is to NOT be American, no joke. And we are proud.
So stop fucking speculating or wondering or talking like it will ever happen. We will jihad the shit out of you if you invade.
Yeah, all this speculation about senators and electoral balance and whatnot skips lightly over the more immediate effects that would come from an American attempt at annexation. If the Americans thought trying to occupy Iraq or Afghanistan was bad, well, this would be like that, except that Canadians can pass for American and can access America’s home soil quite easily.
How would rampant assassinations and terrorist attacks against Republicans (and the particularly spineless Democrats that enabled them) affect the electoral balance, Forbes? Ever hear of the FLQ, by any chance?
Americans still have this basic delusion of being “welcomed as liberators” when their Freedom and Democracy rolls in to town, even after all the times they’ve stuck their hands into ovens and been burned.
I’d argue it’s the same hubris that led to the modern wars in Europe; the thought that we’ve done this elsewhere in the world, we can do it easily next door. Well, next door means you’re exposing your own home to serious damage. Only 0.4% of the US population actively serves in the military, and 6% are veterans. That is a tiny part of the population that has even a hint of first-hand knowledge of how bad this could be. American government and media make these operations look quick, safe, efficient, and relatively bloodless, with relatively little capital–buildings, equipment, people–lost. They are not.
On the flip side, I think Canadians may underestimate how much they’re putting this on other subcultures within their whole to fight an insurgency. There is this confidence that the FLQ, the aboriginal peoples, or some other group with a history of standing up for themselves will be the ones to stand up instead of them. The reason this is ridiculous is because it contradicts their basic thesis statement, that Canadians pass as Americans. You know who doesn’t easily pass as American? Someone with a strong French accent or an aboriginal complexion.
Obviously I’m not saying the FLQ will be the ones to “stand up,” the FLQ are long gone at this point. They’re just an example showing that Canada’s had brutal terrorist insurgencies acting within it before. We’re not the easy-going doofuses that American popular culture portrays us as.
Right, I agree.
We will jihad the shit out of you if you invade.
Converting to Islam is a… weird way to handle a foreign invasion, but I’ll take it.
The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don’t just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.
– James Nicoll.
That Arabic word, “Jihad,” sure looks handy for situations like this. Yoink! It’s an English word now!
I think they talk about Jihad for Lisan al Gaib, https://dune.fandom.com/wiki/Muad'Dib's_Jihad
perhaps followed by a Butlerian jihad against OpenAI and Tesla.
HA-AAAHHH YAAAAAAA YO EEE AAAAAAA
j00 r t3h f1r57 p3r50n 1v3 s33n 70 u53 1337 5p33k n s00 l0ng, h4xx0r!
Jihad is just a compact word for “get the fuck out of my country you invader or else”. Maybe you know an english word that carries all that weight?
This is such a stupid take for some many reasons. But the fact that somehow you assume that Canada is anexxed, but somehow also able to choose how and impose terms is mind boggling to me.
If Canada gets anexxed it’ll be as a nuclear wasteland. Stop thinking there si anything good about this stupid idea.
Obviously Canada wouldn’t be allowed statehood.
I think the real question is what are Americans willing to sacrifice in terms of civil rights to subdue Canadian insurrectionary impulses.
America could conquer/economically annex Canada’s territory, but to conquer Canadians is a separate question. I think it would take a 10+ year suspension of civil rights in America to achieve.
Really not getting it there, Forbes. But you’re not alone.
I shudder to think how many hundreds of millions of Americans will accept invasion in addition to the economic warfare because they think people want to be like them.
Continent wide insurrection.
https://terebess.hu/english/tao/Marshall.html#Kap30 AND also 31. That’s the thing with fascists. We need to go back to not just education, but liberal (as in arts) education, starting in grammar school. And this and Sun Tzu should be required learning in every branch of the military at boot camp.
We would be a lot better off if Canada were to take over. I’m not sure it would do much for Canada though they don’t want our crazy.
Take the Cascadia states, some of the Great Lakes states and New York and New England and leave the rest alone.
Representation? That costs extra. Why wouldn’t Trumpy & Friends go full Porto Rico on you sap sipping Canucks.
Friendly wave to my buds up north
I live in Californ…I mean, “Commiefornia”. If Trump Special-military-operations Canada, I will absolutely join the American-Canadian war and so will most other people here.
…but there is a nuance.
Yeah, US would be more likely to lose the northeastern states and at least the top half of California and the states above them on the other side
(If it was divided based on the population of Wyoming) Canada could add at least 70 new states
Already has.
