I recently lost my job due to the federal government cancelling contracts with my employer. I won’t claim that I’m going through Hell, but it’s far from unicorns and rainbows.

It’s definitely a lot to deal with emotionally all at once. I worry that I may not find a job that I genuinely enjoy as much as the one I lost. Even though I know it’s not strictly because of anything I did wrong, I struggle with the idea that I was considered unimportant and expendable. It also makes me feel like I’m not a reliable “breadwinner” for my family. Then there’s the little things, like the fact that I’m having to cut back on purchases that aren’t necessities, forgo expenditures that I was hoping to make, and things like that. On top of all that, I have a lot of guilt about feeling bad for myself knowing that a number of my former coworkers who were also let go are in a lot worse situations than me.

I’m able to be a bit optimistic about some things. For instance, I’m glad that the ACA (health insurance not tied to employment) is an option. The COBRA healthcare coverage option is ridiculously expensive, but most of the ACA options are notably less expensive and, at least on paper, seem to be better options (ex: lower copays, deductibles, max out of pocket) and there are tax credits you can take based on income that make it even less expensive. Another benefit is that being unemployed gives me more time with my family, more time with friends, and more time to catch up on all the little chores that need my attention.

But, at the end of the day, I will say that I’m strongly considering getting some psychiatric help and/or therapy. The only thing holding me back at this point is concerns over whether I can truly afford it. Sure I can spend $100USD per session for a therapist now, but in a few months, will the cost of those sessions make a difference between whether I have food on the table or not? It’s a gamble that I’m just not quite willing to risk right now.