Look at Mr. Fatcat over here eating out while we’re on the verge of a recession.

Damn corporate shrinkflating Charlie’s head on us.

“Please, Trump, stop winning.”

Astounding that he actually managed to deliver on that promise.

Every time I go south I wonder how people down there are still alive. Between the sweet tea, biscuits and gravy, pork cracklings, boudin, and kolaches, I feel like I have to take a nap whenever I eat a meal.

…Is the ‘harsh wake-up call’ that they need to look for a better employer? Asking for your employees to push themselves harder is what we in the business call “Whining.”

I mean, the point of the special is to find meaning in the holidays regardless of the rampant consumerism, but the impact of the message is dampened a bit by Hallmark putting out new charlie brown Christmas tree ornaments every year.

That said, it’s also okay not to have holiday spirit if you don’t find anything about this time of year meaningful. For many who aren’t practicing Christians, it’s a time to be with family because most companies tend to give days off anyway, but for those of us who have cut ties and don’t see the significance of decorating and whatnot, it’s perfectly fine to enjoy the time off without feeling festive.

Can’t get that sweet sweet ad revenue if your content isn’t 100% in line with advertising expectations. God forbid there are any deviants on a site that positioned itself as weird and quirky for the first decade of its existence.

“Next time, baby.”

I will never not laugh my ass off thinking about that.

Yeah, I don’t think there’s a restaurant on Alberta that doesn’t have at least a little of this aesthetic.

That said, Pine State is worth the asking price and I’ll kill on that hill.

At the time?

“Correction, we have three potato.”

• Politburo

I was going to make a crack about them inventing a time machine to get Big Macs from like 20 years ago, but I actually kind of wish they’d bring back the angus 1/3rd pounder, those burgers were great.

https://www.zombo.com/

For younger generations. Lovingly remade in HTML5 because flash is dead.

Seconded by Terry Davis

They’re efficient at maximizing profits for shareholders, usually at the dire expense of literally everyone else.

Slowly turning into a Life in Hell strip

Oh thank god, I was worried brows would continue to remain unfurrowed.

In a short story, the monkey’s paw is an artifact that grants three wishes of the person who holds it, albeit in the worst way possible.

The story goes that a pensioner and his wife receive the paw from some guy who warns them that the paw twists the wishes, but they pay the warning no mind and wish for a sum of money. A finger on the paw curls, and a factory foreman shows up with the money explaining that their son has died of a horrific mutilating accident in the factory. The insurance policy pays the money out to the surviving members of the family.

The wife wishes that their son were alive again, another finger curls, and a few hours later they hear another knock at the door. The wife rushes to welcome their son, however, recalling the stranger’s warning and imagining how terrifying the mutilated body of their son might look, the father uses the last finger to wish the son dead and buried again. Incidentally, there doesn’t appear to be a negative on that wish apart from the horror that’s already been visited on them.

I mean, okay, but how much of anything can get hit by lightning and not be a smoldering crater without proper grounding and such?