Naaaaaaants, ingoyaaaamaaaaaa, ba-gi-thi baba

It’s not the case now, anyway. I just asked “How’s Elon these days?” and it quickly devolved into vomitous ball-licking.

Just to be clear, I’m not a professional “quote maker”. I’m just an atheist teenager who greatly values his intelligence and scientific fact over any silly fiction book written 3,500 years ago. That being said, I am open to any and all criticism.

“In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony god’s blessing. But because, I am englightened by my intelligence.” - Aalewis

Eh?

You have as much authority as any God-ordained clergyman. I know, I know, watch yourself on the edge.

Says who!?

I see you know my ex, but that doesn’t narrow it down much.

I plan to pass these same bottles of oregano and mustard seed onto my grandchildren.

I recently actually ran out of black pepper(!!!) and it messed me up for a solid week or two until I finally remembered to buy more. That should hopefully hold me until at least the second Barron Trump term.

Could you not?

No implication intended. I’m not a bad guy. I would never fuck a lioness that didn’t want it, but that’s just the thing. Everything I know about them leads me to believe they’re jonesin’ for it, but I’m not a biologist.

What can you tell me about coquettish lionesses? Are they as soft and smooth as my friend has imagined?

Can anyone confirm whether this is true?

The Catholic Footnotes author, blobfish article progressing most-unexpectedly:

Definitely. Also possible that having sex in grass sometime would blow my mind in ways I couldn’t comprehend.

Fine, I’ll just quote from the blog hosting that photo (checks notes…catholicfootnotes.com, wtf?):

The very existence of such a creature raises pressing questions, some practical (life application) and others more scientific or theoretical (as G.K. Chesterton once said, “every question is a theological question”). Life application questions might include: Does this thing swim near the shore? Might I encounter the Blobfish on my next tubing adventure? Would the Blobfish survive in my massive aquarium? More (or less) scientific questions might be: Is that a nose? Is the Blobfish nearing extinction? Does the Blobfish live near the bottom or top of the oceanic food chain? And the question everyone is asking: What’s up with those lips?

Okay, but hear me out.

Just spill it, you kinky freak, what is it? Fat cartoon animals? Differently-abled Schoolhouse Rock puppets? This is a no-judgment zone (speaking only for myself, mind you).

Okay, hear me out, it’s not what you think! More power to those who have, but I swear I’ve never even dressed like a cat.

But I mean goddamn gurl…right? Guys?

With sandpaper, by hand, if you’re at all serious about your craft.

I think a lot of wholesome movies would become horrifying if you gave the characters massive, hairy dongs really flopping about in every scene. I’m thinking the likes of:

• Paddington
• My Neighbor Totoro
• Monsters Inc
• ET
• The Wizard of Oz

Really most movies, the more I think of it.

They don’t have to brag about it, sheesh.