A crow eating chicken and a human eating beef are actually really good parallels. Crows and chicken are 91 million years diverged while cows and humans 94 million years diverged.

Dollar Store John Travolta: I Shit Myself Edition

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A miasma of post-Doritos farts, ass sweat, and uncleaned litter box.

The feeling of the spray hitting your skin will be akin to feeling piss aerosols/drops hit your leg when wearing shorts and using one of those urinals that extend to the floor.

Raw?

It’s not that I’m not a morning person, it’s that I hate the realization of having woken up again.

I’ll just book AAF for 10 consecutive shows where they’re only allowed to play the smooth criminal cover.

Related to suicide ride, but I’m a millennial: I had a childhood friend who rode down a hill on the pegs once. He thought the best solution for slowing down mid-hill was to jump off.