I used to feel this way but then a friend and I decided to get really stoned and watched one MST3K-style and made crude and snarky comments through most of it and we had fun. It works best if it’s a movie with a recognizable actor, our first one had Tiffany Amber Thiessen, and your friend(s) are quick-witted and have little to no moral compass.

You can’t leave us hanging, what’s 1st place on your list?

The mental gymnastics these people are capable of are depressingly impressive.

Ryobi cordless leaf blower. You have to aim for the rim because if you hit home it makes you burp.

Actually though, just dab with TP. You’ll use much less TP and not need “flushable” wipes that still clog your main sewage line

“She led Cricket to a gravel pit and killed her”

So the unruly dog followed her to its death… That doesn’t sound very unruly.

A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson and Sailing Alone Around the World by Joshua Slocum

Take my upvote you magnificent bastard.

I poop in metric so this doesn’t apply to me.

I live in Japan and you can flush a pair of work boots down these toilets.

Fandango. 1985 with Kevin Costner and Judd Nelson. It was Costner and Kevin Reynolds’ first project together. It’s not a straight up comedy but it’s a very funny movie IMHO.