stop thinking about yourself and think about the people you hurt. what do they want? would they feel better if you apologized, or worse? have you ever asked them? have you ever owned the damage you did? it’s like you’re asking us to make you feel better after you hurt someone else. make it about them, instead.
if there’s a specific incident you can remember, consider approaching the person it affected and taking responsibility for it. pay for the thing you broke. apologize for the thing you said. be accountable for it, however they need you to be
Neither do judges