Are you sure you’re underperforming, or is that just an idea you came up with yourself? Have you talked to a boss or manager about their expectations for your role and if you are meeting those expectations?
It may just be a self-sabotaging thought, and getting confirmation that you are meeting expectations could let you relax and work at a preferred or natural pace without stressing about your performance.
Told me that I was welcome to participate in any meeting and that my input was valued, but also told me when a meeting wouldn’t involve me or my work and I was free to sit almost any of them out. Even for regularly scheduled meetings, they’d let each of us know if we were actually needed that week or simply welcome. I appreciated being able to decide best where that time should go instead of wasting away in meetings.
Some weeks would be like 15 hours of meetings for the team, with only like 4 hours directly involving me. But I don’t have to go wherever my team goes, we’re not codependent like that, lol.
Also they listened for input, and actually listened. Even for things outside my expertise, if I had an idea it would be considered and implemented if it was suitable.
Fairly regularly (every other month or so) they’d pop their head in and be like “wanna go for a walk?, I have a gap in 30 min”, and we’d have a 15 min walk-n-talk about the work place, time management, work / life balance, teamwork, suggestions and feedback for management - anything about working there that wasn’t about the actual work.
They were really all about listening to the employees in every area.
Not surprising; it’s far more practical to get information across by switching to a language you both speak fluently. If you ask the other person to help you practice the language, it would change the task from “information” to “training”, and you’d probably have better luck in speaking German if that’s the expressed goal.
Communicate your wants, or you’ll end up with the most efficient route to the end of the interaction. 'Tis the German way.
That sounds horrible. I struggle with energy a lot, but not to the degree you’re describing so I can’t imagine…
I generally think we should be careful with self-medicating, and I don’t know if this is allowed on this forum so I’ll accept any consequences:
Have you tried amphetamines/stimulants? Like a very low dose, not anything to make life a party but just a hint to get yourself going, lower than anything you think of. Only early in the morning and no refills during the day, so it won’t interfere with your sleep and won’t build tolerance. And only pure shit, a thoroughly tested substance, not street-meth or other untested garbage that can be mixed with fentanyl and cocaine and a host of other substances - I mean like actual adhd-medication.
It’s not going to solve whatever underlying issue you have (unless it’s ADHD, lol), but if it makes you function and feel better it while figuring it out it could be worth it. Ideally as prescribed by a doctor to monitor your heart and health over time.
Regardless , I hope you find whatever you need to feel better and more energetic.
I would be fine about being asked, asking wouldn’t affect the relationship, but I would say no because I don’t want it.
If they did it anyway, or without even asking, I would end the relationship and probably make a police report. How many other boundaries are they willing to cross or have already crossed? Is there a camera in my shower? It would make me incredibly worried to deal with that level of disrespect.