Asking someone you love “How was your day?” is a meaningful question. Small talk is bullshit time wasting between randos or acquaintances.
“Lovely weather today, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, makes me feel like picnics,”
is expressing feelings to each other, affirming a shared worldview in which sunny weather is good, and affirming the value of each others’ feelings and potential plans.
Just because the real meaning is hidden, doesn’t negate the value.
That’s fair. Sometimes I can be a bit grumpy with randos.
after you get through all the asking each other stuff to get to know each other’s histories etc phase, it’s okay to just not talk all the time
It’s not just histories and facts, though. Sure, you don’t have to talk all the time, but sharing feelings and connection, in a relaxing way, through small talk, helps maintain and build that connection. More important for some people than others.
Is or is not talking about how your days went considered small talk? I literally don’t know now. I’d say it’s small talk.
Small talk is a way to gauge someone’s mood before going for the bigger discussions
If a colleague asks me “Hi, how’re you doing?” it’s small talk and I’ll respond something like “Oh you know, the usual.” If my partner asks me “Hi, how was your day?” it’s a genuine question and I will respond “That fucking dickhead at work that always plays nice and personable came around with another set of “urgent” requests and no fucking clue what he’s actually asking for, whether it’s possible or why I told him last week it isn’t.”
The difference is in how serious I take the question.
I REFRAIN FROM THE PRACTICE OF UTILIZING MINISCULE SPEECH. EACH AND EVERY INSTANCE OF MY EXPRESSION IS VAST AND VERBOSE AND MAXIMAL.
Silence isn’t a crime you know…it’s actually pretty great.
So, you just HAVE to talk?
Do you hate silence?
One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating the obvious… At first Ford formed a theory to account for this human behaviour. If human beings don’t keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths seize up. After a few months’ consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don’t keep on excercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working.
One of my favorite passages from the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
Shhhhhhh…
ITT we ask the autistic to self identify
That sounds great, actually
got a neighbor can’t control his motor mouth. last time he came to my door i said ‘what the fuck do you want’ and closed/locked the door. not too bright. he yelled through the door, ‘I only want to talk’. hahaha fuck off
Tough one. I’d probably end up being the person who just kept politely listening while trying to shut down the conversation amicably like “well anyway” and “I must get cooking dinner now” and “my plants need moisturising” or something.
Neighbours are extremely high on the list of people I want to avoid pissing off, because a neighbour with a grudge against you could be an absolute nightmare (especially when you live in a townhouse and share walls)
let him in once. talked non-stop for nearly 2 hours. unstable. out. used to be normalish. lost his mind.
Daily life is what daily life is all about.
I do think I’d potentially be happier with a partner who I could speak philosophy and politics with, but if we couldn’t also function simply navigating running a household and raising our family, then we really couldn’t be anything more than friends with benefits long term. Not that that would be a bad thing. It just depends on how you want to live your life, and whether you value a stable partnership over firey romance.
Some people are lucky enough to have a partner that fulfills the entirety of their intellectual, intimate, familial and financial needs, but such people are few and far between I’m sure!
Spouse and I ponder the mysteries of life and the universe while we’re cuddling.
Sounds pretty good :-)
how do people who like small talk plan on being in sustained meaningful relationships what are you gonna do “hi honey nice weather we’re having huh?”
my plan is to be too busy kissing my partner at all times to say anything
How Shakespearian. “Stop his mouth with a kiss.”
“And another kiss.”
“Keep going! More kisses, least he open his mouth and opine on the weather.”
a year in the horror dawns upon you
you have trained your partner to engage in small talk to get kissedHi honey, how’s the weath–
“Go Away! I’m Not In A Kissing Mood!”
I mean You can hate small talk with strangers and co workers but still enjoy small talk with your partner
“How’s the weather, Bob?”
“Please! My wife asks me that in the bedroom! Not you, here, at the water cooler.”
My partner and I have surprisingly little in common when it comes to interests. I like a lot of nerd stuff: homelab, 3d printing, robotics, brewing, welding, woodworking, sci-fi, etc. They like not nerd stuff: copaganda shows, murder porn (podcasts and documentaries), dog training, cooking, etc. I like metal, they like jangly indie, we both like punk. We both really love cats.
We also both hate small talk, so we only discuss what we find to be pertinent or interesting. Since we have a lot of individual interests, we actually have a lot to talk about. We just had a really great conversation on using Docker or a VM to circumvent some silly online testing issues. Otherwise, it’s just comfortable silence. I really love them.
But that would be great! Let’s start an awesome exploration of a very existential topic. Certainly better and more interesting that talking about shopping.
Well, but if the other person did some shopping, do you care how it went? They might.
“How was the shopping?”
“Ugh, this idiot cut me off in the aisles so many times, I feel so frustrated.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. Like, does his existence even matter? Perhaps he’s a figment of our collective imagination. It’s so maddening to think your own brain is creating fictions that cut you off in the aisle.”
“I know, right? It made me wonder what if I’m the figment in his imagination! It’s such a depressing thought. I need a hug.”
*hug*
Only for those who spend time engaged with existential topics rather than shopping though.
