I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
IMO, you shouldn’t have a child if the thought/feel behind it is “I’m genuinely happy with or without them” regardless. It’s worse than being with someone and thinking “I’m genuinely happy with or without them”, because that person can get another partner but you can’t get a new mom…
I don’t really agree. My mom has pretty much told me she felt similar before having children. She would have been fine not having any. But she’s still a great mom who loves me and my siblings a lot and never regretted having us. I never felt rejected or unloved because of it.
People shouldn’t have children if they don’t want to have any but to me that’s not the same as being fine with both.
Well, I guess people change their minds after big things happen, and I assume that, more than “not regretting” having children, what she/you meant was “changed her whole life for the better and gave her life much more meaning”, right? Else, idk, I personally wouldn’t be happy with having such a dispassionate parent, and just “not feeling rejected or unloved”, but being deeply appreciated and loved! But maybe I’m too sensitive and my Latino heart can only conceive “proper parenthood” being one way (although I assume most of the global South would agree with my feelings about it). And yeah, it’s not the same and having children while really not wanting any is insane, but being a parent shouldn’t be something you’re just “meh” about (again, maybe it’s a cultural difference).
Yeah, that’s what I meant. I always felt appreciated, deeply loved and supported.
I suspect we might not actually disagree but just have a different way of expressing what we mean, since we apparently come from different cultural backgrounds. I’m from Germany and I’m told the way we talk about our feelings can sometimes seem dispassionate and cold to others.
It seems like it and, in that case, fantastic, lol. Maybe I was too quick to judge and a little bit silly and the lady in OP might also become a wonderful mom like the one you had, she just hasn’t been one yet! ❤️👋