I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
My job as a parent is to make sure my kids are healthy, emotionally balanced, and self-sufficient around the age of 18. With the understanding that none of that is entirely under my control, and having less and less influence as they get older.
The greatest influence I can have is how I live my life, because actions speak louder than words. That means being healthy, and emotionally balanced, which is clearly not slavishly dedicating my life to someone else.
The philosophy of “live your life for your kids” is more about judging parents when things go awry (often through no specific parenting fault) than offering helpful advice for people trying to parent, and in fact if you try to follow it, it turns out to be very poor advice.
I meant more in the sense that every decision you make needs to at the very least take the kid into consideration. When you have a kid it makes everything more expensive, it changes where and how you go on holiday, it changes where and how you go out to eat, etc. When you change careers you risk leaving a kid homeless, not just yourself. When you move to a different country you’re forcing that kid to adapt, not just yourself. Etc.
And that is pretty much all true to an extent. It is largely not what I see from folks who say your kids become your whole life. I’m happy to take my kids into account, but I also leave plenty of space to live for me, too.
Though I will say you still have to go on some vacations by yourself because a vacation with kids is anything but a vacation.
Once you have a child you are in the hook for them until the day that you or they die
That’s not the same thing at all. And not really true, either.
If you think there’s a magic age where you shed the responsibility of a child then you shouldn’t have had one. Bringing life into this world is rightfully the most burdensome experience
I have 5 and they are all doing great, thanks, though 2 are still in the house. Burdensome? Fuck people make parenting sound awful. It’s awesome and I love it. Even the parts that are a struggle.