That I have ADHD. Turns out depression and panic attacks were only side effects.
Not something from therapy per se but I found out antidepressants didn’t seem to work for my chronic fatigue symptoms that seemed like depression because I actually had an autoimmune disease called Ankylosing Spondylitis
I should really start getting that diagnosis…
Do it. I’ve seen first hand how much treatment can help and have seen it change lives of the people around me for the better.
I had to find out through my brother being officially diagnosed. Turns out I’ve always had symptoms, especially hyperfocus.
Still haven’t bothered to get a full diagnosis and medicine. Waiting to see if RFK Jr. is actually gonna build ADHD concentration camps.
me toooo hi 👋
That the thing I’ve been after my entire life but couldn’t identify or articulate was, in fact, autonomy.
This, after growing up in a house full of overbearing, hypercritical family members, willingly entering into a marriage with someone who treated me like property, being micromanaged, and taught that the key to happiness lies in pleasing others, and living in quiet desperation and letting it build and build until I finally imploded and ended up institutionalized.
In the process of rebuilding my life I made a few mistakes, namely going back to a few of those relationships and trying to make new relationships fit that mold. At least this time I had a little self awareness though. I decided to end all of those relationships and start living on my own terms. And that was when the epiphany hit that this was the autonomy I’ve been craving - and had been denied - my whole life.
I’m way happier now.
Codependency is self-destructive, not romantic.
Chronic Anxiety and chronic depression are very similar and tied to similar thought processes and self-fulfilling cycles.
You can’t truly be there for others if you aren’t there for yourself.
Perspective shifting between others and yourself is a powerful tool of understanding and affording yourself the benefits of the doubt that can be hard to muster sometimes.
That I have zero coping skills for stress at all. Not that therapy helped.
Does the stress of knowing make it worse?
I don’t think so. it’s like, explanatory. why am I freaking out? oh, I am as mentally fragile as a butterfly and can’t handle literally anything. that’s why.
Having extremely high neuroticism/emotionality can be a pain in the ass. I actually only have high levels of anxiety according to the HEXACO personality inventory, but I still deal with mental health issues because of that. From your description it seems like you probably score high on all the facets and that sounds miserable.
I learned that not having a stable home growing up means I never trust the safety or longevity of any living situation, therefore, I never get comfortable.
when things do start going your way you start thinking “alright, when’s the rugpull coming? when will the universe conspire to fuck me over specifically”
Every fucking time.
Then as soon as I let my guard down- WAM! Shit goes down and im back at square 0
I really did think everythung through in the way that therapy primotes, and was on the right path emotionally as far as therapy goes so therapy wouldn’t be a benefit. Therapist recommendsd that I should get checked out for a possible processing disorder and recommend a specialist.
After an initial misdiagnosis, ended up with an ADHD diagnosis and eventually the right meds!
Not really about myself but in general: “Not dwelling” on things doesn’t mean ignoring them.
- That I indeed have OCD.
- That I indeed have a form of social anxiety/ agoraphobia.
- That some things from the past still worries me despite thinking it would not.
- I quickly get into negative thoughts and learnt how to slowly but steadily change that.
- That I was afraid of admitting that certain things from the past were indeed someone else’s fault and not my own (I never wanted to be the kind of person that point fingers to others).
And a couple of other things but these were the main ones.
What sort of OCD if you don’t mind me asking?
Checking OCD. I keep checking whether things such as lights, doors are closed or the water tab, oven/ furnace are turned off. At some point it took 1-1.5 hours off my time before being able to go to bed and even then it occupied my mind. Went so far to make photo’s and video’s as ‘evidence’ but eventually that did not do the trick either.
I have that too. I wish that was all it was.
That I have difficulty establishing healthy boundaries and that it serves literally noone (myself or others) to fail to do so.
I actually don’t remember the details but there were a lot of hard pills to swallow mainly about taking responsibility for myself which often made me think “why do I have to go through this and others not?”.
I discovered that I wasn’t having panic attacks. I was having seizures. Yay!
How does that work?
Not very well so far
I discovered that I suck at participating in therapy. I tried so many therapists and never got anything out of it.
May I ask why that is? Could it just be that therapy wasn’t sufficient and your situation requires medication in order to be properly remedied?
Oh I definitely need lots of medication too, I think I just have never been able to figure out what to talk about with therapists. It’s not very helpful when you show up to sessions like “I don’t even know what I should be wanting to talk about” and none of the therapists I’ve tried were able to help with or work around that.
Start by discussing specific events that bug you or where you did something you’re not happy with yourself about. I suffer from the same issue, and this was how my therapist started teasing out some of the issues I have.
Oh I historically struggle with that too. I’ve found that talking with my wife on my way to therapy and spending the day before thinking about what I’m struggling with has really helped. You might also find value in taking notes of things to address whenever you have a mental issue.
The big thing is I instinctively want to downplay all my issues and I struggle with answering things on the spot. The conversation on the way there makes me already in a talkative mood, and if I’ve had a day or two of thinking about it in advance I at least know something that’s on my mind.
Maybe you have too many pancakes? Let me take care of some of those for you ❤️
Not all of it was exactly because I went to therapy, but therapy opened the door to examining myself in a non-judgemental way. I started going because I thought I had adhd and wanted help with it, along with crippling social anxiety. When I started I thought I was a cishet man with adhd. After a while I realized I’m actually a bi trans woman with adhd and autism. Somewhat recently I’ve started to think I might also be aromantic, but I’m not really sure. On a more therapy note I also discovered just how profound the damage from my parents/upbringing was. I sometimes wish I could make them really understand how much they hurt me and how much it has held me back in life.
Being neurodiverse and scoring well on standardized/IQ testing doesn’t excuse being an utter menace.
And “utter menace” in what regard?
Just generally rude and running all over everybody’s boundaries at a whim
I’m actually a sane, nice person. I’m unhappy because I am dealing with people who aren’t.
That literally never occurred to me. I thought I was the problem.
