Being rude to service staff. Immediate indicator on who they are as a person. There is zero reason to ever be mad at someone making near minimum wage whose job it is to grab you a drink or check you out or something. It also shows that they’ve themselves never worked service, which is a rite of passage
“Why should I tip?! I’m already paying for the service!”
Immediately leave without even telling them to take a cab.
Edit: 1, I am in the US, yes.
2: the wording sounded like it implied a behavior of a date while out dining. I was answering based on how I’d respond if a prospective mate treated underpaid US staff shitty.
Happens to be true in all modern western countries though, only the US seems unable to force companies to pay a livable minimum wage.
Being conservative, being rude and impatient, not understanding that people are human and sometimes just make errors.
Being into “crystals”, auras and shit like that. Like, have you taken leave of your senses?
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Showing they are dumb (believing conspiracy theories, Maga, repeating nonsense)
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Being racist, judgy, overall nasty with people
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Being nasty to animals
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So many things.
- queer phobic. I’m not queer but many of my friends are. I don’t need that negativity in my life.
- smoker. Maybe a pass if they are actively trying to quit. Maybe. Most active smokers I’ve known have kind of been assholes about it, though.
- littering. Sometimes combined with the above when smokers throw their butts on the ground
- being a jerk about people having healthy hobbies. Like, just let someone enjoy some video games or bird watching or whatever. I can’t with people who are like “omg that’s so childish you still [play games/read fiction/go to the zoo/whatever]?”.
- being anti-consent. I’ve met a few women who are like “just do stuff and I’ll tell you if I don’t like it” and I’m like lady there’s some “stuff” that can be done that by the time it’s happening , the damage is done. Let’s just have a conversation about what we like and what our boundaries are.
littering.
I was going out with this guy I really liked. Probably 3rd or 4th date. We decided to take a drive, and went to a local grist mill. Walked around, had a nice time. Took the scenic route home on this road that ran along a pristine Tennessee Creek. He was drinking a Gatorade or something, and when he finished it, rolled down the window and chucked the bottle out into the creek.
I stopped the car, made him go pick it up (or I wasn’t going to drive him the 20+ miles home), and never called him again. Fuck. That. Behavior.
smoking
anti-consent
Can’t help but feel a “my body my choice, your body my choice” vibe from this
I don’t understand what you are trying to say.
I just think it’s odd that you immediately associate smoking with being an asshole - unless they’re quitting. Like you make it very clear that personal agency is important to you - but smoking makes you a piece of shit.
Smoking is bad for the smoker and everyone around them. If you’re not even trying to stop, you are kind of a piece of shit.
I don’t see what that has to do with asking for consent to touch someone’s butt.
i don’t think being a smoker necessarily makes you an a*shole, but surely makes other people live with the smell and the taste of tobacco. and you can’t force people to do that.
I make it a point to not discuss things like this when people aren’t thinking clearly.
When you smoke a cigarette the smoke doesn’t automatically find the nearest non-smokers lungs in order to harm them. The smoke settles, and there are more than enough places far enough away from people to smoke at.
If you’re worried about secondhand smoke harming you in any context outside of smoking indoors - I’m sorry but you just aren’t thinking clearly.
Nope. You literally cannot smoke without polluting others.
You also literally can’t play videogames without polluting others, since some of the electricity is still generated by burning coal. You also literally can’t do any other thing either probably, since electricity is used in creating almost everything, or at least some other pollution.
I think if someone tries to make sure not to smoke near unknown people or people that don’t want it, they’re acceptable in my book.
These people are under the impression that secondhand smoke is sentient and immediately finds the nearest non-smokers lungs to pollute. I wouldn’t expect logic to get through to them.
I firmly believe that love should be color blind, which is why I never see any red flags.
Anyone who doesn’t respect your boundaries.
That, and republicans.
Is there a difference?
Only in the “square vs rectangle” sort if way
deleted by creator
drinks/imbibes beyond group vibes.
How about drinking while cooking? Yk, having wine while cooking steak au jus or something.
.
Short list of obvious ones:
- Haven’t binge watched all of skibidi toilet in one sitting
- Uses Windows MacOS iOS or Android
- Wipes after shitting / No shitbucket
- Thinks git is github
- Haven’t memorized all of the ANSI X3.159-1989 C standard
iOS or Android
Soo, what then? Are Windows phones still a thing? Even Copperhead or Lineage are Android forks. Based on my PinePhone that one’s not really ready for primetime.
Self compiled Linux distribution for a phone you soldered together yourself - what else?
I hate that you people are even allowed on the internet.
- Send from a PDP11- </S>
- Right-wing
- Cluster-B traits
- *-ist, *-phobe
- Prescriptive gender roles
- Smokes
wait, shit, I’m a feminist, guess I’m out
What is cluster B?
What about Claustro-, Arachno-, Haemo-, etc.phobes? Or Cyclists or Scientists?
Cluster B personality disorders - most commonly known for borderline and narcissistic PDs.
Impossible to work with or fix. Just run. Fast.
People who this is targeted at and don’t get it when you explain it.
Unless you have investigated a problem, you will be deprived of the right to speak on it. Isn’t that too harsh? Not in the least. When you have not probed into a problem, into the present facts and its past history, and know nothing of its essentials, whatever you say about it will undoubtedly be nonsense. Talking nonsense solves no problems, as everyone knows, so why is it unjust to deprive you of the right to speak? Quite a few comrades always keep their eyes shut and talk nonsense, and for a Communist that is disgraceful. How can a Communist keep his eyes shut and talk nonsense?
It won’t do!
It won’t do!
You must investigate!
You must not talk nonsense!
Use the word “Woke” (Or “Progre” in my language) Unironically.
Who do you mean by this?
I mean anyone who use the word Woke (Or Progre in my language) unironically.
Dogwhistle for “I hate people tackling social issues and think we should go back to women being controlled and abused, and men being miserable all day at work, while we completely disregard queer and children’s mental health”.
Or at least, it gets used that way by people who don’t use it as a reclamation term in a positive sense.
Historically it is a term used positively, for example in the expression ‘stay woke’ (1930s). So it is not really a reclamation, but rather a recent relegation by right wing people to a negative connotation. I have however heard some people legitimately use it in a positive manner, and some further reading on the Wikipedia page seems to support that even recently there are political leaders using it in a pro-racial equity sense.
I am aware of the positive origins of the word “Woke”. However, in colloquial usage, it is always used in a derogatory way. And it is usage that dictates the norm, whether we like it or not.
Republican
Bad breath
Edit: for anyone who has this problem… just see your doctor or dentist. You don’t need to suffer . It’s curable.
My co worker has straight gum rot, like a few millimeter layer where the gums meet their teeth that’s all whiteish green and they have horrendous breath I can smell 15 feet down wind of the AC system. This is due to their horrible personal hygiene, he has a wife with good teeth, I don’t know how she kisses him, I would vomit.
He’s only in his early 30’s and also just had to get one of his K9 teeth pulled out.
Unaware status-seeking behavior. Almost everyone does it.
Explain?
Humans are all about resources (look at how everyone wants to make more money). Status effectively means access to (human) resources. When you have status, you can tell someone what to do or think and they’ll do it or believe you. When someone does something for you or believes what you tell them, you don’t only have access to your own resources, you effectively have access to their resources as well, so in the end, status is more important than having resources yourself.
The managers/bosses in a company have status. The musicians in a band playing at a pub have status. The pastor at the church has status. The millionaire has status. The politician has status. The teacher at a dance class has status.
These are easy examples. But there are a myriad more, especially more “sneaky” ones. Status doesn’t have to be obvious/institutionalized like the examples above, status is part of every single human interaction.
The “popular friend” has status. For example, they might organize gatherings that people actually come to. If another one of the friend group, that has less status, tried that, less or no people might come. I’m sure you noticed something similar.
Or some gossipy/overly friendly person in the office has status. They make little friends everywhere, give people small meaningless gifts, pay attention what’s happening and offer people information (also a resource) for free. If they suddenly start badmouthing someone (even if that person has not deserved it and only angered them for some trivial reason), they might cause the badmouthed person lots of trouble through reducing their status.
Of course, status-seeking behavior is not necessarily bad. A philanthropic, intelligent, always (actually) being nice person also gathers status. People like them, they say true things that help people, which gives them status. They give people favors, like inviting them for food, which also gives them status. And so on.
As you can see, status-seeking behavior is literally everywhere. Our psyche is built to seek more status and it’s one of our main drivers in life. For example, if you want to get good at playing an instrument, your driving force behind that desire is seeking the status that comes with it. You might say it “is just fun”, but what is fun but a motivational force of your psyche to make you do something? Fun things are fun because doing those things gave an advantage in an evolutionary context. The status that comes with getting good at an instrument and being able to make other people feel good through music is the ultimate “goal” of your evolved behavior.
So yeah, once you understand this, you actually see status-seeking behavior everywhere. And almost everyone is completely unaware of it. I myself am essentially looking for status right now by explaining this to you, I give you a “smart” explanation demonstrating my knowledge that thus makes me look intelligent. There is no direct advantage to me explaining anything to you. It makes me feel good to share my knowledge, which is why I do it. It feels good because demonstrating knowledge/intelligence raises my status.
That’s an unnervingly cold, reductionist, cynical take.
What’s your alternative?
“My” alternative is to not treat every human interaction as transactional maneuvering to curry favor. It’s an incredibly strange commodification of immaterial concepts that rejects or ignores the complexity and nuance of human emotions and motivations. It’s simply an inadequate theory.
Well can you at least please tell me some examples of alternate motivations that governs our behavior?
It’s hard to answer your request because, you see, your statement is like saying: “Everything is just atoms, so everything is basically the same”, it is “reductionist” of higher values, which even atheists have, but the statement itself cannot be denied, nor replaced with an alternative.
Edit: I read your other replies, and you seem to not need this one, to ignore it.
Good response. Though it was a bit wordy.
I know what status means, but I didn’t realise what status-seeking behaviour could be referring to, since it was vague. I know you tried to reduce your response to a level that everyone could understand, but that was unnecessary. People have the internet now.
For future reference you could try defining status in a single sentence, which allows people to look it up in a search engine or dictionary without room for confusion/vagueness.
I myself am essentially looking for status right now by explaining this to you
That’s not true. You’re taking one thought and extending it to try to interpret all of human society with. I’ve made the same mistake before. Of course, your original thought isn’t completely wrong, but you stretched it to almost irrelevant (but not unrelated) levels.
So yeah, once you understand this, you actually see status-seeking behavior everywhere.
No, I’m afraid I don’t. What you call status seeking can be called survival in some cases, enjoyment in some, and a waste of resources in some. Calling it status seeking is a misuse of the term and gross reduction of the behaviour’s quirks.
Perhaps a better term would be power-hungry person. But maybe that’s not the intent of your thought.
It makes me feel good to share my knowledge, which is why I do it. It feels good because demonstrating knowledge/intelligence raises my status.
That all may fall apart when you realise your knowledge is biased too much towards a single concept. Or too narrow minded.
Note: No insult intended, no sarcasm inserted.
- an imperfect human
Would materialism or consumerism, then, be the turn-off? Making more of “possessing” than “being” or “doing” is a real turn-off for me.
And, materialism/consumerism is — truly — promoted everywhere.
True.
You’re taking one thought and extending it to try to interpret all of human society with.
That’s absolutely not true. I’m saying that status-seeking is a part of almost all of our unconscious decision-making processes, not that it’s the sole part of our decision-making process. A part != Interpret all with it. Of course there’s other parts, like you say, survival.
I can not convey all my knowledge and thoughts in a single comment. Even though I tried to shorten it, you still find too long. The “it’s only a part” I found obvious, thus I didn’t stretch it, but you would have needed it to be included. You personally didn’t need the other parts that you found too long. It’s basically impossible to know what you need to talk about when explaining something without a conversation, because we don’t know each other’s knowledge base. It’s even more impossible in a forum-style format, where one comment is read by potentially every human on Earth, each of which have vastly different knowledge bases. What is obvious/superfluous for one is not for someone else.
What you call status seeking can be called survival in some cases, enjoyment in some, and a waste of resources in some.
Do all these things not play together? Isn’t having status a way to survive better? Aren’t the activities that are enjoyable also the ones that allows us to survive (in a non-modern, ancestral world context in which we evolved)? Isn’t having status enjoyable for most?
I feel that you’re 70% on the mark but then why is it a turn-off for you, as you said in your original message?
Part of the 30%:
Status seeking behaviour has many justifications i.e. that it helps smoothen human interaction, to say the least. So why is it a turn-off for you?
I don’t think it helps “smoothen” interaction at all. Of course it depends on the exact situation, like I already described, if it’s about helping other people or not affecting anyone negatively, it’s completely fine.
But for one example, an unaware status-seeking behavior I see very often is having an Instagram account and posting pictures of their life, in an attempt to gain followers. This could not affect anyone negatively… but 99% of the time, it is, because they interrupt moments that should be enjoyed by being present within the moment with trying to get the perfect picture to show to other people what amazing moments they are experiencing.
The “unaware” was as much of a part of the turn-off as the “status-seeking”, maybe even more so. I think if you’re aware of your status-seeking behavior, you’re able to find much better ways to apply it than if you’re unaware of it.
It’s basically impossible to know what you need to talk about when explaining something without a conversation, because we don’t know each other’s knowledge base.
Okay, but in this case “status” was a basic word while the “it’s only a part” was something deeply specific to this conversation. It’s not fair to compare the two.
More common in urban and younger environments
Yes! It’s crazy how noticeable it is when I’m in the city, rather than out here in the boonies with all the geezers. Why do you do that, fellow youngs?
I’ve half a theory it’s a new boomer generation and these things are cyclical, you get a boomer one every third. 70 years back from 20 years old today you find the Boomers. 70 years back from Millennials you find the dirty 30s. 70 back from the eighties you find the flappers.
… Doesn’t that include every generation, calculated that way?
I’m skeptical it’s generational. People just chill out in that way as they age. And not to say the geezers are totally nice either, they just don’t do active dick measuring anymore. They know who’s in the club, and that I’m not, and will throw me a bone out of good manners anyway.
Idk man. The young ones today are self centered and narcissistic as hell.
Absolutely false. It’s a universal truth of our species to seek status, everyone does it.
Your statement itself is essentially an attempt to gain more status. You’re likely not part of “urban” and “younger” environments, thus “badmouthing” them raises your status comparatively.
My telling you this is an attempt to sound intelligent, which raises my own status.
Well you failed.
